How I feel VS What I want?

Is there anyone who could tell me that they understand how I feel recently or what I want?

This is a really tricky question for myself too...I feel unsatisfy with my research, things getting into shape day after day, but still its not something worth happy for..cz its not solution after all..I feel lonely when I am alone, I feel depressed when I think of my research, I feel relief when I look at the sky, no matter its during the day time with clear blue sky or night sky..What else I could feel? Why I feel this way..the reason is easy, I wish I could share with someone..or anyone just because I couldn't find this 'someone' at the moment..sounds pathetic?

What I want? I wana go home, I wana do research, I wana eat alot of stuff..BUT there is always but..my careers is here in aus and not in Malaysia, I don't wana keep failing in research, I dun wana keep gaining weight..why I can't just do what I want without any thought of worrying..Why am hesitating of doing something that I like?

My medical examination shows I have low blood pressure on that day..I wont know whether I have it always but I do not have any symptom of developing that..someone told me I could have anemia..could feel dizzy easily...Somehow it reminds of my brother, a long lost brother who had anemia when he was 8years old..Am I sad in another mean?

Why am I saying all this, why am I talking nonsense..just because I don't understand myself good enough..Could anyone...lend me a hand to answer my question?